And as I am a fan of both Ellen and Nicole, I decided to have a goo.
Especially since the title was “Nicole Rapping”,or something along those lines.
Turns out that Nicole was part of a girl rap group with her two best friends ….when they were 8.
And she could still remember their “rap” song.
Obviously I *awhed* at how embarrassed her cute little head was and then *scoffed* at the fact she was in a rap band….and at the fact that 20 years later she could remember the songs they wrote….
….and then I stopped scoffing.
Because I remember that when I was 13 …eh, also 8, myself and my then-bessie also formed a band.
And it may have also been rap orientated.
And I may have been still able to remember the lyrics when I tried to.
So the “band” was called Cat-Jem.
Which sounded like Catch ‘Em.
Which we thought was bitchin’
Very embarrassing for Adult Moi.
And at the time it was very cool for girl groups to sing and have some rap parts in their songs.
So we decided to be “hip” and “cool”….no wait, we had this theory that “cool” was so overused that it wasn’t cool to say it anymore, so we said “Groovy” because groovy wasn’t used and therefore we were way cooler than everyone else by not using “Cool” and opting for the word that no one used….
….we were WAY existential back then.
And so….here is a snippet from our infamous first single….
Jem: I’m Jem
Me: I’m Cat
Together: We’re coming at you just like that
Jem: Don’t think we’re nice like sugar and spice
Me: Gonna chill you boys like a block of ice
Jem: Watch out for us, the new girls in town
Me: Gonna party all night gonna boogie all night
Watch out for us, guuuuuuuuys
You’ll ne-ver believe your eyyyyyyes
Gonna rock your world like never befoooooore
Party with us, get down on the floor…
This isn’t a terrible joke.
It’s just terrible.
In fact that is only the tip of the Titanic-submerging iceberg.
My personal favourite was verse seven or something, which went something like this…
Me: Hey Jem, tell em about us
Jem: Well Cat, they’re gonna make a big fuss.
Me: See them watching as we walk down the street
Jem: Well some of those guys you wouldn’t want to meet…
Now obviously the only reason anyone was “watching” us was because I had giant man-swallowing nest hair and also probably because we were very white girls (she was a ginger) trying to rap.
Also, I should explain that in Dublin terms “meet” is another word for “kiss” so…..
….yup, you’re right, I don’t even NEED to verbalise an insult for that line…
Oh to be young again *world weary sigh*
And sure at least I’m cool NOW…..right????….RIGHT!!!??????