Not the thing you’d normally expect to find on A Chick Named Hermia, and not the type of thing people usually come here to read, so even though I’m not expecting many comments, I’m still gonna tell you about this event.
Because I share ALL embarrassing stories with you guys….I am a gluten for punishment *sigh*
So there I was.
I could feel sweat dripping down the back of my neck.
My legs were trembling.
My breath was coming in quiet gasps.
I knew that at that very moment, on the other side of that darkness, there was about 150 people.
Some friends, some strangers.
As I debated whether or not to run, I was suddenly blinded by lights.
Two months before this moment, it had seemed like a great idea.
My world was completely hectic between it being my final year in college and being the Arts Editor for the college paper and directing a production of Romeo and Juliet, so when my friend told me she was bringing The Vagina Monologues to DCU for a second year, it seemed so far away and non-scary that I said Sure, of course I’ll try out for it.
I didn’t even think I’d get past the audition stage.
And then I did.
And then the two months flew by.
The show was scheduled to happen in The Helix at the end of the week that my own R&J was on there.
I was so stressed I didn’t even THINK about The Monologues during those final days.
Even the day it was on, I was preoccupied with clearing my own show’s stuff out of the theatre and barely gave it a thought.
And then, before I knew it, I was standing at the side of the stage waiting for one of the girls to finish her Vagina Facts.
What the HELL was I thinking!!!!!???
I barely like HUGGING people, don’t mind talking about vaginas for 10mins ON STAGE!!!!!
Yes, I said those words in front of people.
Lots of people.
My monologue was called Because He Liked To Look At It**.
It was about a guy called Bob who liked vaginas.
“Vaginas are beautiful. Our self-hatred is only the internalised repression and hatred of the patriarchal culture. It isn’t real. Pussies Unite!”
yes, I said that TOO…
I was standing for most of my performance, but for a small part in the middle, I had to sit down and Sweet Baby Jesus, that was the worst part, because when I sat down, the lights stopped blinding me and I could see the people.
I nearly jumped straight back up.
“It turned out that Bob loved vaginas. He was a connoisseur. He loved the way they felt, the way they tasted, the way they smelled, but most importantly, he loved the way they looked….”
What in the name of Professor Xavier made me think I could do this!?
I could barely remember my STUDENT NUMBER don’t mind PAGES of uninterrupted monologue!!!
I stammered and rushed my way clumsily through the words and realised I was coming up to the part that made me blush when I was saying it on my own…
“In the light I watched him looking at me and he was so genuinely excited, so peaceful and euphoric, I began to get wet and turned on. I began to see myself the way he saw me. I began to feel beautiful and delicious like a great painting, or a waterfall…”
Oh God, I think I’m going to hurl.
I even remembered the words.
People clapped politely.
I ran off stage.
I never uttered those words again.
But part does feel very proud and liberated knowing that I talked about my (well somebody elses) vagina in public….
Never again though.
**If anyone is curious as to JUST what I went through, you can view a version of the monologue I did HERE….not MY version, but A version…I don’t have a copy of mine and even if I DID, I will only embarrass myself SO MUCH for you guys, so you’d never see it ….