So I was 18 (back in my young-whipper-snapper days) and I needed to go to the dentist.
Yup this is shaping up to be SUCH an interesting story…zzzzz….
The few times I’d been to the dentist before that, I’d gone to the kiddie dentist with Ma, so this was one of those milestones…one of those big events in your life like learning to drive or buying alcohol legally.
Ma recommended I go to her dentist cos I want to poop myself and throw up all at once whenever I see/mention/hear needles (in fact I felt sick just typing that) and this guy could do fillings with no anesthetic….it’s his mutant gift.
So she gave me directions to his surgery…..walk passed the shopping centre, cross the road, walk through the gap in the wall on the left and it’s the first house….
No probs, right?
Ma isn’t the best with directions.
I did exactly as she told me and I found myself standing outside a house that fit the description, but looked deserted and had no sign of anything that said “Dentist”.
I walked back through the gap and looked down the road to see if there was another gapped-wall , but the next row of houses had a gapped-fence blocking it in.
So I went back to the house.
I decided to try the front door. Nobody in Dublin would be stupid enough to leave their front door open unless it was a business of some sort, like my doctors who work from a house in the same area and always have the door unlocked.
I pushed down the handle and voila, the door swung open.
This must be in.
I stepped inside.
The first thing I noticed was that there were clothes trying on the hallway radiator.
I stood there for a second.
Ma had said the dentist surgery was upstairs, so maybe a family lived here too?
And then, for a reason that will forever be a mystery to me, I walked up the stairs to what I thought was the surgery.
It was a three-bedroomed house and when I reached the top of the stairs, I could see that two of the bedroom doors were open….and it looked like the curtains were pulled …..and that there were beds….
….and there was someone in one of the beds….
…and it sounded like someone was taking a shower.
It’s never a good idea to break into a house in Tallaght…people have been killed for much less (lol, I’m so dramatic…I’m from da hood, yo!) ….so I ran down the stairs and charged through the front door, not caring how much noise I made as long as I escaped.
I would be a terrible spy.
Me: Eh Ma.
Ma: Oh hi, how was the dentist?
Me: Yeah about that….I’ve just broken into someone’s house and it wasn’t his.
Me: You gave me the wrong directions.
Ma: Are you sure?
Me: I am so very completely sure, Ma. Unless your dentist is in the habit of drying his boxers on a radiator in his surgery.
Ma: Uhm…no …he’s not. So you took the first turn?
Me: Yes, through the gap in the wall.
Ma: Well try the next one.
Me: That turn has a fence not a wall.
Ma: Oh …uhm ….
Me: I’ll check anyway.
*I walk to the second turn and when I get through the gap in the fence, I see the corner house has a GIANT surgery sign on the side of the building*
Me: Found it…