We met almost 3 years ago, right before he went to do his PhD in Norway. During the first year we were communicating through emails and Facebook. He was very intelligent and really interesting to talk to but it never crossed my mind that it might turn into something.
When he came back after his first year for the summer I was in a relationship with another guy. We started hanging out, it was strictly friendly, or at least on my behalf. Until we went for drinks one night and hooked up.
That really changed everything for me.
We started dating, it was great and I was falling for him really fast. He’s not like anyone I’ve dated before, I was always more into ‘bad boys’ and he was nothing like that, he’s really smart, sweet and shy and a very positive person in general. He was really excited about our relationship, he introduced me to all of his friends (even though it was obvious enough they already knew everything about me) and even to his parents!
I broke up with that other guy of course, but then it was September and it was time for him to leave again.
He invited me to come and visit him in Norway. So I went. When I was there it turned into a disaster. On the first day we had sex for the first time. It was all good but, well it didn’t go quite as he had planned i guess (i’m not gonna go into details here but i hope you’ll get what I mean). He was devastated, he really thought it was an epic fail of some sort for him, and I didn’t even know how to react, I mean I should have explained to him that it’s normal and just takes a little time, but I didn’t do that (I was an idiot).
For the rest of the week I was stuck there and it was horrible, he could barely look at me, I was mostly spending time with a friend of mine who also studies there. I honestly thought it was over right then. I returned home, and we didn’t talk for about 4 months.
Then I found out he’s been seeing someone.
But then he started texting me, in a friendly manner again and we began talking like before. When he was here last summer for a month we hung out almost every day, not like before, we never even kissed or anything, but we’re definitely not friends, and the way he looks at me with his puppy eyes is definitely not friendly, but he never made any move, and neither did I.
It was still kinda awkward after what happened but still he would call me every day and ask me out. He never mentioned his new girlfriend; when I asked if he was seeing anyone he said no, even though I knew he was but I never told him what I knew. I’m not gonna tell you the whole story about how I know about her, but she lives in my city and by some odd coincidence we happen to have a friend in common. I’m not sure of what their relationship in reality is like, but she definitely thinks he’s her boyfriend, and she has no idea about me.
He left again, but we were still talking. He invited me several times to come visit him again but I never went. He also keeps trying to talk me into doing my Masters in Norway next year at the same university.
I have been dating other people during this period, but it was never anything serious. Last month he was here again and we met for dinner. It was the same story: we talked and laughed but nothing more, only this time he invited me to go with him for a week to Madrid since he’s going there this summer for a conference. And I still know he’s seeing that other girl!
This is really confusing, on one hand I really have feelings for him and really wish we could work things out and I feel like this has been going on forever. I know I have to make a move first to change something but then I know about this other girl and it’s driving me crazy to even think that it might be true. I can’t imagine why, if he was really in a relationship with someone, he would ever want to hide it from me and spend so much time with me, especially since we already screwed everything up in the beginning.
I know this is really messed up and twisted and I hate that I have to spend time worrying about my relationships rather than enjoying them. I probably just need to put it on paper and get somebody’s opinion since none of my friends know the full story. So thank you if you’ve read this.
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