This is the next installment in our anonymous Secret Stories series.
Just a note to anyone who has submitted a piece, I have a backlog right now, and because I’m only featuring two a week, it may take a few weeks for some of your pieces to be featured, so don’t think I’m not using them or have forgotten about them!
To submit your own Secret Story, click HERE
We ended us eight months ago. Decided that this is it – we cannot continue this mess. We were messing each other up, and our surroundings too. Even though they didn’t know. Nobody knew.
So I tried to move on. I really did. I found someone else. He’s magnificent. He ended up loving me. I think something inside him felt that a part of you was still with me. But he didn’t care. And it hurts more than possible to describe when I feel I inside what I know is true: I love him, but I do not love him. Not like I loved you. Not like I love you. Because I still do. It’s not that I want to. I’m just not able not to.
So every time you look at me, I’m stabbed twice.
Once because we had it all, but lost it because of stupid rules and expectations, which weren’t ours but those of other people.
Twice because I’m in between the two, you and him. I keep hurting both of you, when all I really want is to make you happy. And because each time you send shivers down my spine, I feel like I’m betraying him. And I feel like I’m betraying you because I promised you not to tell. Whenever I found someone new, I promised not to tell you.
So I didn’t. And you still loved me. And when you told me, I found I did not love him anymore… So I had to tell him. And I told you too, indirectly. Which just messed everything up again.
I’m not able to let any of you go now. You are both attached to my heart. In a way that will make it tear into pieces again if I try undo the attachment.
Each day, my heart breaks twice. I have a double heartache. And I guess that in the end, there’s nobody to blame but me.