Instead I switched the kettle on and whipped us up two cups of tea, while she popped New Moon into the DVD player.
And there we sat for two hours cheering every time Kristen Stewart bit her lip, cringing every time Bella or Edward declared their undying love, laughing at Jacob grabbing every little excuse to be naked and shouting “You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry …Bah ha ha ha ha ha!” every time Jacob or Edward did their ‘angry’ faces.
“God I hate Twilight,” I said. “I only watch them because you can interact with them through ridicule and the likes. And the books are just as terrible.”
After that, I started to get really excited about Eclipse and even went online to book my tickets for the previews that are a month away.
I also started rereading Eclipse.
And have gotten really angry every time I’ve picked it up, because the writing is clumsy and immature, Bella whinges the whole time and Edward mopes while Jacob spends his time being a jerk.
But I’m still middle obsessed.
And I’m still going to be excited about the next movie.
And I’m still going to continue to reread the books.
Sure, the basic story is interesting and imaginative, but it’s badly executed by a deluded author, the characters are unappealing, there are dozens of inconsistencies within the story and there are endless amounts of paragraphs everyone enjoys skipping.
And the movies.
There was one medium that could have done the story justice.
Except it hired even worse writers than Stephanie Myers to make up the script.
And they had a deaf, dumb and blind monkey looking after the casting.
And they best special effect they could muster in the first instalment was the chuck some glitter over Robert Patinson.
And yet the world is possessed by and obsessed with the story.
I NEED to understand this!
So over the next few weeks, I aim to study, examine, investigate (and other such synonyms) the Twilight series to find that ‘thing’ that has bewitched the world and overridden its sensibilities.
My studies will be done under the following heading:
1.Bella Swan/Kristen Stewart
2.Our Leading Men
5.The Love Story
6.The age-old appeal of Vampires, Werewolves and General Mythology
7.The ‘Tween’ Factor
Yes this may be incredibly pathetic, but I need to distract my (currently inexplicable) anticipation for Eclipse by indulging in some other Twilight-related thingy-ma-bob.
Plus I’ll get to rag on everything that’s wrong with it.
And make fun of Kristen Stewart.
Which may be my favouritist thing in the whole wide world.
I should also bring it to your attention that I change my mind quicker than it takes George Bush to say something stupid, so those heading will probably change a lot.
And I get easily bored.
So I mightn’t actually get past this post.
BUT I HAVE GOOD INTENTIONS!!!!!!