I know you’re probably expecting a childhood story where I happened to see some boy’s pee-pee while he was running around in the nip, being pursued by a heavily blushing mother, and realised that I was missing something.
But this is a much more recent story.
As recent as Sunday.
Yup, at 23-years-2-months-and-10-days I finally realised I was a girl.
I’ve always been a little slow to grasp things.
“What do you mean there’s no toothfairy!!!!!????”
“Hermia, you’re 19…”
It was during that damned Scare Walk in Madame Tussauds.
I thought it was just wax figures of movie monsters and villains!!!!
As I naively strolled up to the door with The Boy, I saw the signs saying it wasn’t suitable for Under-12s and people with heart complaints.
The figures can’t be THAT scary, right?
And then I heard the screams from inside the section.
I’m out of here!!!
And I didn’t stop screaming as we entered the darkness and crazy people started jumping out at me and shouting and blowing on my hair and looking like something from an asylum!
I cowered behind The Boy, holding his top in a vice grip and refusing to look around me (that’s when that fecker started blowing on my hair and face and saying in a London accent “She dawhsn’t loiiiiike i'”).
I was close to tears, I’d freaked myself out that much!!!!!!!
“I can’t believe you dragged me in there!!!!!” I shrieked at The Boy when I finally got out of the pit.
He looked bemused. “I’m a little shocked.”
“Why!?” I demanded. “I told you I didn’t want to go in and you dragged me!”
“Yeah, but I thought you were messing,” he said. “I thought you were tough.”
And then he hugged his whimpering-eejit-mess of a girlfriend.
That struck a chord with me.
He was right.
I used to be tough!!!
What happened to me!?
I’ve been a tomboy for as long as I can remember!
I spent my childhood watching horror movies and beating boys up!
I refused to wear dresses and skirts until a few years ago!
Up until my teens, I had the knees worn out of my jeans from fooling around in the outdoors!
Lol I should rephrase that.
Basically, from general childhood horseplay and fun and games, all my jeans were ruined.
I had no time for dolls or playing Mammy.
A couple of years ago, I had no time for feelings or emotions or tears.
I didn’t like human contact very much.
I was known as the “Ice Queen” who had a “Heart of Stone” and dammit, I took pride in that!
I love shopping.
And being in a couple.
I never watch horror films.
I enjoy sewing.
And doing things with my hair.
My name is Hermia.
I get scared easily and like fashion shows.
I am a girl.
Now please enjoy this picture of an adorable kitten…