So I was sitting on the Luas (Dublin tram) one morning.
This is not drastically out of the ordinary.
In fact, I spend quite a large amount of time on the Luas.
Once in the morning …to get to work.
Once in the late afternoon …to come home from work.
Maybe twice again in the evening …if I happen to have a life that day.
What was out of the ordinary was that I was wearing a bodycon high-waisted denim skirt.
I never wear really tight clothes and I especially never wear tight on-the-short-side skirts.
But something in my tired brain convinced me to buy it during a ramble around Topshop a few days earlier…ah, sweet impluse buying!
So on the morning in question, I paired it with a lovely white knit and black tights and felt quite attractive for once!
However as I walked to the Luas, I realised that tight skirts tend to ride up and my already short skirt was getting shorter and shorter with each step!
There was no immediate panic though, cos I was wearing a long coat (it was raining …shocker!), but when I got on the Luas, I was far too hot to keep it on. So I slid the coat off as gracefully as I could and grabbed a seat in the nearest 4-seater (two seats facing two other seats), covering my legs up with my handbag and coat.
It was an uneventful journey …nothing to report, until …..
We arrived at the Jervis Street stop, which is the stop before mine, and as it was still raining I put my coat back on and plonked my handbag on my lap so I looked a little more lady-like.
And then he said “….*inaudible muttering* legs” and pointed at my thighs!
Now I knew my skirt wasn’t as repectful as I had initially thought, but dear GOD, no one has a right to perv to THAT extent!
“Excuse ME!?” I snapped.
“There’s something on your leg,” he repeated, in what turned out to be an adorable Monaghan accent (think Scottishy but softer).
So I looked down and there was this …THING! It was the size of a dog AT LEAST and was brown and beetle-shelled and had pincers and a giant stinger and fangs and giant spikes on its back and crazy eyes and most probably breathed fire!!!!!!! AND IT WAS CRAWLING ALONG MY THIGH!!!!!
I screamed and instinctivly flicked the THING with my hand …..but flicked it in the direction of the guy who’d warned me and the innocent woman who was sitting beside him, both of whom started searching their immediate persons and the area around them for this made-for-horror-film creature!
I covered my mouth with my hands. “Oh my God …Oh my God …I’m so so sorry!!!! I just ….Panicked!!!” I babbled.
The woman look PISSED, but the guy just smiled reassuringly and said “Ah it’s alright, don’t worry about it”, while still looking around a little nervously.
Apparently I’m not exactly cool in a crisis.