I’m really useless.
I’m the girl that laughs hysterically when the guy says “I’m having the worst week” or saying weird things like “I have the weirdest rash on my…”
Anyway, working in Lentra wasn’t the most stimulating of jobs and I think that was the reason we (the girls) focused so much of our energy on the boys that came into the shop.
I remember Orla being OBSESSED with this rather average-looking guy that used to come in for his lunch, so much so that she’d spend all day talking about him and then she’d be so stressed out by the time he finally came in that she’d have to hide in the back….or under the food counter.
That’s a story for another day though.
Today you’re hearing about Abberley Boy.
Abberley Boy worked in the Abberley, which was a pub situated at the end of the shop’s street and happened to be our local.
He wasn’t overly attractive or funny or charismatic, but one day I decided he was THE MOST BEAUTIFUL CREATURE IN THE WORLD and from that moment on, I couldn’t talk to him like a proper human being should be able to.
Mostly I’d just mumble at him and make too much eye contact, but this one time I decided enough was enough and I was going to talk to him.
He joined the queue at the till I was working on one Sunday afternoon.
I watched him as I was serving the other customers trying to think of some witty observation I could make or something interesting I could say.
I noticed he looked a little tired and there were bits of dust on his top.
I know….I’d make a thoughtful enquiry into his well-being.
He stepped up to the till and opened my mouth:
“Oh my God, you look terrible!!!!!!!!!” I said in a strained hysterical voice.
I closed my mouth.
Ok just stop talking, I told myself.
He looked awkward.
“Oh uhm…” he began.
“SERIOUSLY!” I said. “You look REALLY terrible! What HAPPENED to you!? You look awful!”
Ah ah ah ah ah ah, stop forming sounds and words!!
“Oh, uhm, well we’re cleaning out the cellar at the pub,” he said, looking really uncomfortable and probably wishing I’d hurry up scanning his lunch items. “And we’re moving barrels around and stuff, so….”
“Oh right,” I said. “Cool…..cos you look REALLY awful!”
I was one step away from shouting ‘I Love Lamp’
“Oh…eh….ha,” he said, practically throwing his money at me.
I pretty much threw his change right back at him so he’d leave the shop before I said anything else.
“Thanks, cool, well, bye,” he muttered, gathering up his lunch.
“Yeah bye,” I said. “And don’t work too hard, cos you really do look like a mess,” I added waving him out the door.
Just TOO smooth…