Hermia vs Tesco

If you know me at all, you know not to come between me and food.
I have been known to throw tantrums of epic proportions if I have my heart set on a meal and I don’t get it.
I’m not even joking.
I’m frickin’ TERRIFYING!

Those of you following me on Twitter or Facebook know that I spent most of yesterday drooling over this recipe, which I then decided I would make for dinner.
I did my grocery shopping in Tesco when I got back to Tallaght after work and unusually, found everything I needed.

That should have warned me something was going to go wrong.

I went to the Self-Service checkouts and scanned in my items.
The last item I scanned was my mini bottle of wine for the sauce.

PLEASE WAIT FOR ASSISTANCE

Oh ok.
I waited patiently as Tesco Girl (who was usually at those checkouts) took her time getting around to me.
She was the stereotypical Tallaght Girl: overweight in ill-fitting clothes, vacant expression on her face, mouth hangingy open and an accent that made your teeth itch (the majority of people in Tallaght are actually very respectable, normal people, but this is the label we have *sigh*).
Eventually she got to me.

Tesco Girl: Can I see your ID.
Me: Excuse me.
Tesco Girl: I need your ID.
Me: *not really understanding* My ID?
Tesco Girl: Yeah.
Me: ….but I’m 24 in April.
Tesco Girl: It doesn’t matter. I need to see some ID.
Me: But I don’t carry ID. I’m 24 in April.
Tesco Girl: I still need your ID.

I’m not one for having a go at shop staff, because they usually get abused for things that aren’t their fault.
I used to get abused by 12-year-olds who wanted to buy cigarettes when I worked in a shop.
But they were obviously underage and as I am no lawbreaker, I wouldn’t serve them.
I would never do this though.
I would have to be (A) A sad individual, desperate to wield the only power I had in the world, or (B) slightly retarded not to serve me alcohol.

Me: I don’t look even remotely 17.
Tesco Girl: *shrugs shoulders*
Me: I got into a 21s club a little while ago without being asked for ID, but you’re asking me for it now for a tiny bottle of wine obviously being bought as an ingredient for a meal I’m making.
Tesco Girl: If you’re under 25, you need to show me ID.
Me: *spots The Boy coming over* Urgh, hold on a second.
Tesco Girl: *also spots The Boy* I can’t let anyone else buy it for you.

See?
She KNEW me.
She recognised HIM as MY BOYFRIEND because SHE KNEW US!

Me: *ignores the stupidity in front of me* The Boy, do you have ID on you?
The Boy: *looks confused* No, why?
Me: *to Tesco Girl* This is ridiculous. I’m 24 in April, he’s 24 now.
Tesco Girl: I need some ID.
Me: Why? You know I’m not 17.
Tesco Girl: I need it so I can scan it through.
Me: So you can scan my ID?
Tesco Girl: Eh, no.
Me: So you don’t need to scan my ID.
Tesco Girl: No.
Me: So since you know I’m not underage, you can just allow it without me needing ID.
Tesco Girl: Eh, no.
Me: You know me! You know him! We’ve been coming here for over a year! You know us! You know we’re not 17 years old!! We come here nearly every day!!
Tesco Girl: *shrugs shoulders* I haven’t seen you in a while.
Me: And what!?? WAS I GOING TO HAVE AGED BACKWARDS IN THAT SPACE OF TIME.
Tesco Girl: *speechless*
Me: This is madness. I don’t have ID on me. I have no need to carry ID.
Tesco Girl: I can cancel the wine from your list for you.
Me: *can’t understand why she said that like she was doing me a favour* You know what, you can cancel the whole feckin’ lot! *storms off*

So I couldn’t make the dinner.
We ordered Dominos instead and I sat in a rage for the rest of the night, because I didn’t want pizza.
I wanted the chicken thing.
Which I made tonight instead.
It was lovely.
The End

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26 Comments

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26 responses to “Hermia vs Tesco

  1. Mercredi

    hello
    je vais répondre en français… je suis trop mauvaise en anglais pour écrire correctement (et fatiguée)
    La dernière fois j’étais vexée qu’on ne me la demande pas….
    “et moi vous ne me demandez pas ma carte?”
    “pourquoi? vous avez quel age?”
    “27 ans”…

    en tout cas j’ai bien rigolé.
    (et désolé pour la flemme d’écrire en anglais)
    j’adore ton blog, l’occasion de lire de l’anglais.

  2. man-alive how frustrating!
    if it makes you feel any better i’ll be 29 in april and i still get asked, not as regularly as i used to but still enough to make me double check i have ID before leaving the house

  3. There’s one thing be taken for younger than your years – it can be quite the buzz – BUT when a skanky lil jobs worth is doing it on a power trip, MAN that sucks. Feeling your (well justified) angst H x

  4. I’m 24 and have twice been IDed buying video games that were rated 15. I reckon looking nearly a decade younger than I am will pay off when I’m an old man, but at present it can be very frustrating.

  5. Oh no, Me and the Tesco girl would have been going at it until the store closed. She’s ridiculous and she’s glad you didn’t use that bottle of wine as a weapon (just suggesting…)

  6. Eve

    Oh no! How awfully frustrating, I would probably result in violently attacking her! Hahahah. Well at least you go to make it! I think I’ll have to make it myself!

  7. emilycross

    Same thing happened to me. . . in Lidl. I was trying to buy some cheap wine (which actually is called fermented grape juice) and they asked for my id. Luckily for some insane reason, I had my passport and drivers licence in my bag. . .

    They still refused me because I didn’t have an age card!!!?!?!

    I had a frickin drivers licence AND passport and they still the REFUSED.

    Lidl 1 emily 0 😦

  8. same thing happened to me in Tesco…A weeks worth of food shopping and one bottle of Paulander needless to say I left the 70-odd items at the till and never returned

  9. I got ID’d in the off license part of Tesco Ballybrack a few years back, when I was about nineteen and a half, and the only thing I had on me was my passport – which, luckily, and after a bit of an argument, they accepted. The ridiculous thing was though, that I had been going to that off license since I was SIXTEEN and had never been ID’d up until that point!! To be honest, I think their job is so crap and depressing that they just enjoy going on power trips every now and again, even when they know they’re being ridiculous.

  10. it’s so odd to me that where you are you can buy booze at 17! I feel your pain, I used to hang out at this one bar near me all the time and when someone would card me at the door I would get turbo pissed. Also, Jamie Oliver is amazing! Love his recipes!

  11. I think I would have smashed the bottle as I storm out of the place. So I wouldn’t let her get her way…

    Uh and about the reporter, it’s ridiculous…it brought everyone back to reality though, everyone (including myself of course) was being too idealistic and dreamy.

  12. What a bitch! Urgh, she obviously just wanted some sort of twisted power boost. Maybe one day she will get ID’d, or if she’s under 25 and ever needs to buy anything after work, maybe she’ll have to ask herself for ID, realise she hasn’t got any on her and have to take her item off her list.

  13. Omg livid!!!! Grrrr. I would have been raging too.
    Boo to not getting your wine for your dinner 😦
    x

  14. good on you! that girl didn’t know what hit her! 😀
    my friends are always telling me i need to be more assertive.

  15. Haha. That’s kinda frustrating. But maybe the chicken’s worth the fighting? :p Does it make it taste better after all the hurdles you’ve got to go through to get it?

  16. Jules

    I always get asked for ID (mostly in Waitrose, but rarely in Tesco and sometimes in Sainsburys), and I’m nearly 26. So bloody annoying but I get their point at the same time: there are 15 year-0lds in my area who can get wine from Lidl and get away with it. Scary. Plus my only ID is my passport as I don’t even drive!! fustrating, eh?!

  17. I feel your pain, living in Canada I get asked all the time….Well I’m glad it tasted it good in the end no thanks to Tesco!!

  18. absolute nightmare!! Hate employees on power trips… 😦 I never wrecked the buzz of CLEARLY overage people when I worked in londis. Ugh. Poor Hermia x

  19. Well this is Grimmy Nail, Grimothy Olyphant and Grimothy Dalton. Nothing worse than being asked for ID. Poor Hermia. Did you get the meal in the end?

  20. Excuse my language, but that post was absolutely, fucking brilliant! 🙂 I can picture the whole scenario in my head and as much as I’m sure the whole thing was utterly painful for you, it’s putting a (big!) smile on my face 🙂

  21. Holly

    Ha ha! What pointless rage!
    It won’t have effected her or the shop one bit. I would so do the same 🙂

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