Abandoning Le Bateau Français

Monday 21st February

My stomach has been in knots for the entire day.
I feel a little nauseous and am quite possibly verging on the edge of a panic attack.
30 minutes until work finishes.
And then at 5:30pm, It starts.

That’s it.
I’m not going.
No one can make me.
I’m a frickin’ adult!

Crap, maybe I should go.
I’m being ridiculous.
I’m a frickin’ adult.

No, no I’m not going.
The only thing making me do it is the fact I’ve handed over money.
Going would make me materialistic.
Materialism is wrong.

Maybe God wants me to go.
That’s why he made me momentarily crazy enough to get myself into this mess.
I really don’t want to piss God off.

Maybe the momentary craziness was MY fault and God is making me feel this bad because he’s trying to tell me I don’t need to go.

God is so wise.

I’m so deluded.
Crap, I’m totally going to end up going.

Work Friend: You don’t have to go.
Me: Oh but I doooooo. I can’t quit.
Work Friend: Then go!
Me: I caaaaaaaan’t! It’s so hoooorrible!!! All the judgement and the speaking badly in front of people and the judgement!
Work Friend: Well if it’s that bad, you shouldn’t go.
Me: I’m not going. I don’t care. I’m not going.
Work Friend: Ok then…
Me: …….damn, I’m so going to go.

Me: I’m not going to French.
The Boy: What? Pinky?
Me: Yes. I can’t. I’m going to throw up. I’ve been stressed out to the point of cracking up for days. I’m a stress freak, you know that! I couldn’t eat as much as I usually do today! I’m going to waste away!!!!
The Boy: It’s ok *hug*
Me: *sniff* Are you mad at me?
The Boy: Why would I be?
Me: Cos I’m letting you down.
The Boy: You’re not letting me down. I’m really proud that you tried to do it cos I know how hard it was for you.
Me: Because of the school trauma.
The Boy: Yes, because of the school trauma.
Me: I feel bad though. I really wanted to get good at it for you, but at this rate I’ll be a mental patient with the STRESS of it all before I come close to being fluent.
The Boy: I know. Seriously don’t worry. It means a lot that you tried your best.
Me: I hate quitting.
The Boy: Does this mean I don’t have to go to French now?????????
Me: NO!!! You have to go!
The Boy: But I hate it too!!
Me: But you just don’t want to go out of laziness! You’re making a mockery of my decision not to go! You’re good at it and you don’t mind public speaking and you need to do it for WORK!!!
The Boy: Naaaaaaahhhhh I don’t. I’ll just talk to my mam in French.
Me: You won’t do that.
The Boy: Yeah I know.
Me: If you don’t go, I’m going and then you’ll have to live with the guilt of making me do something that will KILL ME!
The Boy: Fine, I’ll go.

The Boy: Do you want to get Chicken Ramen in Wagamama’s with me?
Me: Damn! Fine, you can skip French just this once….


Filed under Conversations with The Boy and Guests, Daily Update.

14 responses to “Abandoning Le Bateau Français

  1. Aww I know all about this. That horrible pre-French class feeling. I told myself when I quit that I would just teach myself but I’ve yet to buy that kit.

  2. Sometimes I just want to give you a hug! Loved the ending to that story… xx

  3. Muchos respect for you for having a whizz at something you really hate – its further than most people would have gone!

  4. omg, I have some respect for you, I do like the going to wagamamas instead of french thing…!!

    and i do happen to have a teach yourself french kit going, if you care… *i swear, I can still understand what they’re saying in this month’s Marie Claire France…!!!*


  5. i absolutely know how you feel! and i loved the story!!

  6. I know the feeling of dreading going to something that much! I think it’s great that you gave it a shot. =)

    Kate x

  7. i admire you for enrolling in the first place! wouldn’t have had the courage myself 😦
    but i know how you feel, i’m a big stresser too 😛

  8. Eve

    Hahahha you are so good at finding ways of getting what you want! Hahah.

  9. so the lesson is…Keep calm and eat Wagamamas?

  10. Brilliant! That is exactly how I feel about my Irish class (and I need to do mine for my work).

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