Why I think God hates me…

A traumatic childhood filled with taunts and jokes about your giant hair will make a person a little neurotic/paranoid/obsessed with the stuff on their head.
I’m one of those people.
My mother wasn’t all that bothered with learning how to control my thick, super-curly hair and instead just let it grow REALLY long and brushed the shit out of it every day.
Basically I looked like this until I was about 13…
Yup…there’s nothing like a wardrobe consisting of hand-me-downs from the early eighties to put the finishing touches to my tragic childhood.

It’s taken me a long time to tame and develop a style for my crazy mane.
Crazy-curly thick black hair is a bit of a nightmare.
Especially when hairdressers won’t listen to you.
And it got even worse when I started dying it a couple of years ago.
It was impossible to find someone who could do my hair in the right way and I cried more tears over it than I have over anything else.
I know it sounds shallow.
But it’s not.
It’s a traumatic-childhood-issue.
If my hair looks terrible, I’m transported right back to being the poor freak-show kid getting picked on in the school yard all over again.
It’s a confidence thing, because let’s face it, people judge you by your appearence and people can be cruel.

I thought I’d found the Holy Grail in a small hairdressers in Tallaght before Christmas and I returned today, thinking I wouldn’t have a problem.
When the dye was rinsed out  and I was plonked back in front of the mirror for the cut, I glanced at my reflection.
Is that piece of hair completely white?
Holy shit, are all my highlights white!!!!?
Surely the stylist will say something…I talked to her about this so she knows the colour I was trying to achieve.
I looked at her with a horrified expression
She kept combing away.

“Uhm….they’re very…blonde, aren’t they?” I said eventually.
“Yeah,” she said.
She looked at me with a ‘what’s the problem’ expression on her face.
“Uhm…well, that wasn’t the colour we were talking about.”
She blinked at me.
“Like, last time I was here, you gave me lovely brown highlights; these are…white.”
She sighed.
“Do you want me to put some toner in to darken them?” she said, looking irritated.
Do you even have to ask that question!?

The colour turned out ok in the end.
Although as she cut my hair, she unearthed one highlight that the colourist had missed when putting the toner in.
It was still white.
She stopped.
She saw me looking.
She hesitated….and then she kept cutting.
I didn’t have the energy to argue again.
Man, I hate going to hairdressers.

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20 Comments

Filed under Daily Update.

20 responses to “Why I think God hates me…

  1. omg!! poor you!! I hope you didn’t pay €100 like I do for my haircolour…!!! xx

  2. TheSaucyCow

    I totally relate to this post, there is actually nothing more frustrating. I think I have never ever come out of the hairdressers happy, so loved ones avoid me for the day of an appointment, cos I’m usually like a briar.
    I can never muster up the courage to tell them I think it’s horrific though, I just sit there pretending I LOVE it. Fair play for pointing it out! x

  3. Argh! I hate the hairdressers too! Granted, sometimes you find one that does your hair perfectly but they never manage it again! Maybe it’s because you go into that hairdressers with high expectations and fond memories and then they CRUSH you. I’ve resorted to just getting my fringe cut to keep my hair in shape. I can’t face getting my hair even trimmed, it scares me.

  4. PS
    I love your hair in your photo, it’s lovely!

  5. that little cute illustration is hilarious!! the little character looks genuinely disturbed and pained over the whole hair situation 🙂 It’s very Hyperbole and a half-esque, I love it xx

  6. The first thing I noticed about you in college (and envied you for) was your hair!

    I kid you not!

    xx

  7. HATE going to the hairdressers…HATE IT!! Ive only ONCE come out of a hairdressers happy with the result and that one time was in America 3 years ago! Ive wasted THOUSANDS on my hair and ive dyed it so much I have hardly nothing left to speak of! its so so hard to find the perfect hairdresser 😦 and it aint shallow, not one bit. Hair is so important, if i have a bad hair day you can sure as hell bet on it i will have a terrible day!

  8. I too have hair issues…

  9. Ahahaha that drawing is amazing! I demand more in future. Demand I say 😀

  10. I love love love your drawing!
    Gah – that hairdresser sounds a bit rude too… wouldn’t have been impressed!
    Glad it turned out ok in the end tho!
    x

  11. Amy

    Yeeeeah, that’s happened to me, the white highlights. Except I was too shy to make a huge stink about it, so I ended up calling the salon when I got home, and by then I was so worked up about it that I started crying as I explained what had happened… Way to be a grownup, huh? Some stylists seem to be really careful and conscientious the first time they see you (so you come back!) and then aren’t as good at listening the second, third (until you give up on them) time.
    Bright side – good story, and excellent drawing. Love your cartoon shirt.

    • Oh no!!! There were plenty of times I didn’t say anything and then I just sat at home and cried! I didn’t even ring up, because I couldn’t deal with the patronising ‘Well why didn’t you saaaaay something?’ from the girl on the phone and then the irritated looks from the hairdresser if I went back! Stress of being a girl, I’ll tell you!

  12. I HATE getting my hair done. I’m hardly ever one hundred percent happy, so you just feel like you’re handing over half your paycheck for something unnecessary that you know you’re going to go straight home and wash and try to ‘fix’ it again!

  13. Every time I hear a story like this I count my blessings I’ve found a hairdresser who gets it – usually. I think I’ve gotten great cuts from her 3/4 times, which one being just a good cut. Those are pretty good odds considering some of the wretched things hairdressers have done to my head in the past…

  14. I agree with WR, I love the illustration…more please. Although you have opened up repressed memories of my own 80s hand me down clothes & hair problems!! 🙂 My parents kept my crazy curly hair boy short to “manage it” & so I was slagged by fellow 7yr olds with long silky locks. Since the age of 10 I have kept my hair long – phobia isn’t the word. 😉

  15. That picture looks like younger me too! Except my legs were the same length… =p Only kidding: It’s a beautiful picture… Please don’t eat me! =( And now my hair’s shorter so, if I don’t put the straighteners to it, it tends to just go up and out. It’s a… an interesting look.

    Kate x

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