I am a Sham

Lads, I’m so sorry about the last post.
I’m guessing that it was just as boring to read as it was for me to write and I apologise to those of you who gave it a shot out of loyalty.
It’s so mundane that it doesn’t deserve comments, so I’m turning them off.
It will be the leper of the blog posts on A Chick Named Hermia.
I guess it’s just one of those stories that you had to be there to appreciate.

So I’m making up for it with something that never fails to entertain:
A story about a time I frightened the shite out of The Boy.
*collective cheer*

This is the layout of the far end of our apartment (this will be important so that you can properly imagine the later scenario):
As you all know, one of my favourite pastimes is to jump out from behind random objects or around corners and terrify the living crap out of The Boy.
It’s great craic!
I can’t do it that often though.
If I did it every day, he’d be on his guard.
And that would ruin my fun.
So I space it out.

On Monday, I was feeling a little blue and decided I needed cheering up.
I hadn’t frightened him in at least three weeks so he was absolutely due one!

I was took my time though.
You can get careless if you rush the process and then you waste a rare opportunity.
So I was patient.
The perfect chance came when he went into his bathroom to get ready for bed.
I had a moment of sheer genius.
In our closet, we have a long double-level rail, the top of which is completely filled with clothes.
The lower rail is left empty so we can store laundry bags in the space.

Knowing I had mere minutes, I had to be quick.
I pulled out the laundry bags, ducked under the lower rail and squeezed myself into the limited space between it and the wall…the area marked with the ‘X’ on the diagram.
After a bit of a struggle, I managed to pull the laundry bags back in and I sat (well, stood) in wait.

After a couple of minutes, The Boy came out of the bathroom.
I held my breath.
He stopped.
He could sense I was up to something.
Damn, this could ruin everything.
Those few seconds lasted forever as he just stood there, looking around.

And then he began to move again.
He was feeling safe and secure in his own home.
The perfect time to have me give him a heart attack.

I pushed the clothes hanging on the rail apart and waved my arms around for extra effect.

He jumped, closed his eyes and clutched his heart (he does that every time…for his health, I should probably stop doing this…soon).
“Did I scare you!?” I asked, with an adorable grin and all the excitement of a 3-year-old on Christmas morning written all over my face.
He nodded.

True Love.

EDIT: Judging by the comments, the start of this post seems to be making you all think there’s a lot of hand-wringing, sobbing and self-flogging going on in Chez Hermia over the last (uber boring) post.
It’s ok…you can relax, guys.
As you should have gathered by this point, I have a flair for the dramatic when expressing myself, so if I’m thinking “Oh Sweet Baby Jesus, that last post was fairly dull” it comes out as “OMG!!!! I am the WORST person in the ENTIRE WORLD EVER for even THINKING of writing that post! I should be shunned! SHUN ME, PEOPLE!!!”
I like to think it makes things a little more interesting around here!
So you can stop reassuring me in comments that the last post wasn’t the worst thing written since Twilight…I know it wasn’t AWFUL…it was just a bit boring.
But thank you for your support anyway!


Filed under Conversations with The Boy and Guests, Daily Update.

25 responses to “I am a Sham

  1. theboywhofoundfear

    I enjoyed the last post thoroughly… This howver was MUCH better!! I love scaring people! I don’t get to do it quite enough…. the best is Whenever I walk up the stairs as my mam is coming out of the bathroom she ALWAYS jumps and screams. It’s too easy at this stage! need more of a challenge!

  2. Stop being so hard on yourself! ha! I really enjoyed the last post. And would also be horrified with small portions of much anticipated meal. haha. Fatties.

  3. Hey. I’ve visited your blog after a long time, and I loved my “comeback post”.
    Read through your previous post too. I personally loved it. So don’t think anything bad of yourself for it.
    Would be reading all the posts that I missed out on now.

    Take care. Keep writing. 🙂

    @chicknamedherms pissin mesel at your blog post haha! God love him! Sadly I’m a crap scarer, I’m always the scaree. I clutch my chest too :/

    @chicknamedherms Wait, you have a walk-in closet?!

  5. hillarious! If only I could scare someone like that. That brightened up my Friday morning no end…! x

  6. Oh wow! Looking at the layout it’s like you have a magical closet that leads to some bathroom-themed Narnia!

  7. Oh Hermia, you are a scream! I do feel quite sorry for The Boy though….but very pleased he has a good sense of humour and a strong heart…for now anyway 😉

    • Yeah I feel sorry for him too…AND I should add that I’ve made him promise not to do the same to me because I get freaked out for ages afterwards when it’s done to me and bless him, he’s kept his promise!

  8. Bless you you utter crazy person 😀

    I think The Boy is going to have heart problems if you keep this up!

  9. ‘the home of the sexy times’…baaahaaaaa…Im stealing that one!!

  10. It’s been too long since I jumped out and scared someone. *adds to Things to Do list* Thank you. =)

    Kate x

  11. haha, i love doing that to my sister! in fact, i haven’t done that for quite a while… *evil giggle*

  12. Oh god I LOVE jumping out at poor unsuspecting family too! Too fun! x

  13. Nice. I also like scaring the bejeezus out of the boyfriend, but thats more of a ticking thing than a jumping out at him thing. Also, walk in closet? Jealous!

  14. Haha! I actually enjoyed the last post…Maybe I’m just quite a boring person.. But no, I’ve been in situations like that, it’s worse when the gathering your at is a friends birthday. There’s no excuse on earth that is sufficient enough to get out of a boring bday party (especially an 18th) unless its death.

  15. the poor boy!! hilarious how you do this regularly btw.

    And love in the pic how you’ve tagged the bedroom as “Home of the sexy times” Brilliant! x

  16. A girl after my own heart, I randomly surprise attack my boyfriend too, although my hiding spots are not as elaborate 😉 Very envious of the walk in wardrobe

  17. Zev Nyklus

    “the last post wasn’t the worst thing written since Twilight” – ok can i just say, I Love you!! 😛 *braces self for the flood of hate*

  18. Every time I read about the terror you instill in the boy it reminds me I really, really should get around to terrifying my husband more often…

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