Those of you who follow me on Twitter or Facebook would’ve seen the following this morning:
Obviously you’re all wondering why I’m putting myself through these horrors.
Why is Hermia – consumer of all things full-fat and flavoursome, worshipper of Lyons Tea, scorner of the healthy-eaters and veg-heads – eating that healthy crap and currently drinking a cup of peppermint tea (that tastes like ass, btw)?
Because Hermia’s bad luck gets a little worse every day.
Last year I went to the doctor with horrible stomach pains.
(REALLY horrible….I’m no wimp, me!)
After the oul fossil spent ten minutes asking me is I was SURE I wasn’t pregnant, she eventually concluded it could be an ulcer….or something.
She gave me some tablets that were supposed to relax my insides.
A few months later it kicked off again.
The next doctor told me it might be some small gastric infection.
It might also have been something stress-related.
He gave be some tablets, told me not to get too stressed and sent me on my way.
Back in September, I went to see the doctor again.
Oh uhm…yeah, this time it’s probably really stress-related.
“Doctor, is there anyway it could be something else like IBS or something because it does happen when I’m not stressed?”
Oh uhm, maybe….but he was going to say stress for now.
More tablets (that didn’t even help a little) and I was kicked out of the office.
The last month has seen me in terrible pain with a horrible bloated stomach and messed up insides.
This time I was taking matters into my own hands.
I turned to The Internet.
The initial investigation didn’t go too well:
Eventually I had it narrowed down to IBS, Coeliac’s Disease or a Lactose Intolerance, just judging by the fact I’d been eating a lot of wheat and dairy products recently.
I went to the pharmacy to have a nice public chat with a 30-something awkwardly-cute pharmacist about my bowel movements.
Yes there was a nice private room a couple of feet away, but he obviously thought it was way more fun to discuss this in front of the oul wan buying her cotton swabs and the teenager working behind the counter.
He agreed with my IBS guess and suggested that it was caused by an gluten and/or dairy intolerance.
So now I’ve to seriously reduce my wheat intake, as well as dairy.
And take over-the-counter tablets that haven’t started working yet.
And drink peppermint tea to soothe my spazzy intestine.
I know it could be worse, but this is a little like a death sentence to someone who loves food as much as I do.
Bread and pasta and dairy products….they make my life worth living!
So now I am sulking.
Good day to you all.