A few months ago, The Boy and I decided to throw on our finery and battle our way into town for some excellent cake in Brambles Cafe.
Now I’ve told you before that I met The Boy when we were working in a shop in Tallaght, back in the days of our youth. During that first summer we casually (and secretly) started seeing seeing each other, this girl Molly started working there. She was very obviously madly in love with The Boy (he was a heartbreaker) and was also much prettier and flirtier and socialier and chattier than moi, and so, made me feel like hideous poo every time I was in her presence. Obviously me and The Boy were playing it cool and whatevs during those first few months, so I didn’t know how serious he was about me and therefore spent a lot of time secretly worrying that her shameless flirting and hair flicking would pay off.
I totally won in the end, but I don’t like to brag.
Anyway, the long and the short of it is that Molly equals My Enemy (you guys know how dramatic I am by now!).
So we’re sitting on the bus into town and as our conversation lulled for a second, the bus pulled up to a stop and who gets on but Molly.
For fricksake!!! I was having a GOOD day!!! Damn my stupid hair! Hers looks amazing and Loreal-commercial-like!
So I decided I was just going to be the bigger person and pretend I don’t see her. Plus The Boy looked oblivious so I knew he either hadn’t seen her or didn’t recognise her …I wasl totally going to get away with this! And it’s not like she’d say anything if she sees we’re not acknowledging her…
I was so wrong.
He looked up clueless.
“Oh my Gaaaaawd, The Boy!!!”
He seemed confused and looked at me as if she was saying “Hermia!?” in that idiotic way and not “The Boy!?”.
“The Boy, it’s me!!!”
We looked at each other and I fake-mirrored his baffled look.
“Omg The Boy! You don’t recognise me???? Ha ha ha ha ha, OMG!!” *flicks hair* Also at this point she was standing in the MIDDLE of the bus aisle so no one could get by!
“Omg The Boy, look at you! Ha ha ha, Oh The Boy it’s Molly!!”
He looked at me again, silently asking for help.
It was just getting painful now and everyone was looking at us so I gave in: “Oh Molly from the shop?”
She looked me up and down, as if trying to figure out why I’d dare speak to her.
“Yeah. Oh The Boy, ha ha, I can’t believe you didn’t recognise me!!!!”
That bitch! She TOTALLY knew who I was!
She strutted down to the back of the bus where we were sitting: what was WRONG with her!? Who does that!!? The polite social thing to do is to ignore anyone you only kinda know if they’re not even LOOKING at you! You don’t accost them and force them to tolerate you!!
The Boy had his foot up on the seat across from us and hadn’t moved it, so she put her hand on his leg, playfully pushed it over and sat down across from him.
“Oh God, The Boy, it’s sooo weird to see you here!!!! I only text you the other day!!!! Oh my God, The Boy, I can’t believe you didn’t know who I was!!!” She giggled like a horse, flicked her hair and threw me a smug look.
Now I know I should be secure enough not to get jealous of a girl who is flirting with my boyfriend, but you know, I’m a crazy girl, so what are you going to do!? I was just fuming at the fact that she’d obviously copped we were together (he had is arm around me, which obviously indicates ‘couple’) and she was STILL FLIRTING WITH HIM…WHILE I SAT THERE! What happened to female loyalty ….or at least non-skankosity!?
Oh and I should add that I already knew she had text him during the week because she was looking for the mobile number of one of our old managers. I also happened to know that he DIDN’T BOTHER REPLYING! So while she thought she was making me jealous, I was actually like Ha ha ha, he didn’t even text you back and he texts me back ALL THE TIME!
So The Boy was shoulder-shrugging and couple-of-words-replying and whatevering (God, I love him!lol!) and then she looked at me and said “Oh hi, it’s …Hermia …isn’t it?”
“Hmmmm” I replied, all Like-You’re-Even-Important-Enough-For-Me-To-Care-You-Rememeber-My-Name-ish. I know it totally bothered her ….on the inside.
But, oh God that journey was unbearable …she wouldn’t shut up talking…and she was only talking about herself! And then it turned out we were getting off at the same stop in town, but in this genius Shining-Type moment, The Boy and I just stayed sitting when she stood up and we waited until the next stop to get off.
As we walked towards our cake, The Boy said “She’s but on a bit of weight, hasn’t she?”
“Well, we’ve all added a few pounds since those high-metabolism days of our youth,” I said, sighing dramatically, and placing my hand against my forehead in manner of great stage actress of the 1920s. “Well except you,” I added, poking his tummy.
“And you, you eejit!” he said, poking me back. “You’re just as tiny as the day I met you!!”
I linked him happily! Yes, I know he was just being lovely, but I didn’t care! He was nice to me and not to her, and as I’m his girlfriend who he lives with, I totally kicked the bitch’s ass!!!
One point to Me (and therefore all Normal Girlkind) and zero to Her (and therefore All the Hot’n’Sexy Man-Stealing Wenches)!
There’s hope for the world yet!