Tag Archives: Bus

Fantabulous Foto Friday

Today on the bus, I sat across a woman who took her shoes off and began scratching between her toes.
Her feet stank.
A few minutes later, she began chewing each and every one of her finger nails while making slurping noises.
She then proceeded to pick dirt from between her teeth with the bitten-off nail pieces.
After that, I watched in horror as she had a good pick of her nose, wiped the discovered treasures on the back of her hand and then sucked them off a little while later.

This is one of the milder experiences I’ve had since deciding to get the bus to and from work instead of the tram to save money.

Here are some modes of transport I’d much rather be taking…

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Let me tell you about the time I….had a rare opportunity to be smug

A few months ago, The Boy and I decided to throw on our finery and battle our way into town for some excellent cake in Brambles Cafe.

Now I’ve told you before that I met The Boy when we were working in a shop in Tallaght, back in the days of our youth. During that first summer we casually (and secretly) started seeing seeing each other, this girl Molly started working there. She was very obviously madly in love with The Boy (he was a heartbreaker) and was also much prettier and flirtier and socialier and chattier than moi, and so, made me feel like hideous poo every time I was in her presence. Obviously me and The Boy were playing it cool and whatevs during those first few months, so I didn’t know how serious he was about me and therefore spent a lot of time secretly worrying that her shameless flirting and hair flicking would pay off.

I totally won in the end, but I don’t like to brag.

Anyway, the long and the short of it is that Molly equals My Enemy (you guys know how dramatic I am by now!).

So we’re sitting on the bus into town and as our conversation lulled for a second, the bus pulled up to a stop and who gets on but Molly.
For fricksake!!! I was having a GOOD day!!! Damn my stupid hair! Hers looks amazing and Loreal-commercial-like!
So I decided I was just going to be the bigger person and pretend I don’t see her. Plus The Boy looked oblivious so I knew he  either hadn’t seen her or didn’t recognise her …I wasl totally going to get away with this!  And it’s not like she’d say anything if she sees we’re not acknowledging her…

I was so wrong.

“The Boy….?”
He looked up clueless.
“Oh my Gaaaaawd, The Boy!!!”

He seemed confused and looked at me as if she was saying “Hermia!?” in that idiotic way and not “The Boy!?”.
“The Boy, it’s me!!!”

We looked at each other and I fake-mirrored his baffled look.

“Omg The Boy! You don’t recognise me???? Ha ha ha  ha ha, OMG!!” *flicks hair* Also at this point she was standing in the MIDDLE of the bus aisle so no one could get by!
“Omg The Boy, look at you! Ha ha ha, Oh The Boy it’s Molly!!”

He looked at me again, silently asking for help.
It was just getting painful now and everyone was looking at us so I gave in: “Oh Molly from the shop?”
She looked me up and down, as if trying to figure out why I’d dare speak to her.
“Yeah. Oh The Boy, ha ha, I can’t believe you didn’t recognise me!!!!”

That bitch! She TOTALLY knew who I was!

She strutted down to  the back of the bus where we were sitting: what was WRONG with her!?  Who does that!!? The polite social thing to do is to ignore anyone you only kinda know if they’re not even LOOKING at you! You don’t accost them and force them to tolerate you!!
The Boy had his foot up on the seat across from us and hadn’t moved it, so she put her hand on his leg, playfully pushed it over and sat down across from him.

“Oh God, The Boy, it’s sooo weird to see you here!!!! I only text you the other day!!!! Oh my God, The Boy, I can’t believe you didn’t know who I was!!!” She giggled like a horse, flicked her hair and threw me a smug look.
Now I know I should be secure enough not to get jealous of a girl who is flirting with my boyfriend, but you know, I’m a crazy girl, so what are you going to do!? I was just fuming at the fact that she’d obviously copped we were together (he had is arm around me, which obviously indicates ‘couple’) and she was STILL FLIRTING WITH HIM…WHILE I SAT THERE! What happened to female loyalty ….or at least non-skankosity!?

Oh and I should add that I already knew she had text him during the week because she was looking for the mobile number of one of our old managers. I also happened to know that he DIDN’T BOTHER REPLYING! So while she thought she was making me jealous, I was actually like Ha ha ha, he didn’t even text you back and he texts me back ALL THE TIME!

Yup….crazy girl!

So The Boy was shoulder-shrugging and couple-of-words-replying and whatevering (God, I love him!lol!) and then she looked at me and said “Oh hi, it’s …Hermia …isn’t it?”
“Hmmmm”
I replied, all Like-You’re-Even-Important-Enough-For-Me-To-Care-You-Rememeber-My-Name-ish. I know it totally bothered her ….on the inside.
But, oh God that journey was unbearable …she wouldn’t shut up talking…and she was only talking about herself! And then it turned out we were getting off at the same stop in town, but in this genius Shining-Type moment, The Boy and I just stayed sitting when she stood up and we waited until the next stop to get off.

As we walked towards our cake, The Boy said “She’s but on a bit of weight, hasn’t she?”
“Well, we’ve all added a few pounds since those high-metabolism days of our youth,”
I said, sighing dramatically, and placing my hand against my forehead in manner of great stage actress of the 1920s. “Well except you,” I added, poking his tummy.
“And you, you eejit!”
he said, poking me back. “You’re just as tiny as the day I met you!!”
I linked him happily! Yes, I know he was just being lovely, but I didn’t care! He was nice to me and not to her, and as I’m his girlfriend who he lives with, I totally kicked the bitch’s ass!!!

One point to Me (and therefore all Normal Girlkind) and zero to Her (and therefore All the Hot’n’Sexy Man-Stealing Wenches)!
There’s hope for the world yet!

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A little rant about….Fellow Passengers

I have always had a love-hate relationship with public transport.

I love taking the bus for long journeys and just watching people and houses and fields sail by.
I love how the gentle hum of the engine never fails to rock me to sleep.

I like nothing about the Luas (Dublin tram service) because is a disgustingly modern and capitalist creation.

But I do love the bus and trains.
And sorta hate them

When it comes to buses, I hate having to wait and wait without any idea when the bloody thing is going to come.
I hate that when it’s raining, you’ll always have to wait longer.

I hate that other bus drivers get preferential treatment. I get so angry when I see an off-shift driver strut up at the last second and stand ten or more feet away from the stop and the crowd of commuters because guess what!? The bus will stop where their driver buddy is standing and on he’ll hop with a wink and take the nicest seat right down the back. Meanwhile, us eejits who have formed our own fair lines AT THE STOP are lefting charging down to bus and those who were first (and were waiting longest) are stuck at the back of the queue and left standing.

And don’t get me started on the Luas and the cramfest!
Or the fact that their seats are ridiculously few and very uncomfortable!
Or the drivers who shut the doors on you and then sit at the stop for two more minutes, making you incredibly late for work and with angry tears welling up in your eyes. (I’m very emotional in the mornings).

But MOST of all, I hate the people.
Wouldn’t the world just be lovely if there were no people?
(Oh except you lovely Readers….you guys will be spared during my rampage!)
And I hate the people for the following reasons:

  • People who skip make-shift queues made at a bus or Luas stop.
  • Coin people who queue in the ticket line on the bus because it’s shorter and then hold everyone up when they push their way to the coin slot …and then get ahead of everyone to get the best seat.
  • People who sit beside you when there are LOADS of empty two-seater seats.
  • People who put their bags on the seat next to them when the bus/Luas is jam packed and then given the person who asks them to move them they dirtiest of looks!
  • Really fat people who take up their seat and most of yours…you know what? If you’re not going to buy two tickets, then STAND. (God I’m going to hell).
  • People who shove their bags/guitars/suitcases into the foot space in four-seater sections (two seats facing two seats) and don’t give a damn that you’ve no room and that your feet are at creepy angles.
  • Old people who get the bus/Luas during PEAK RUSH HOUR to go shopping or to meet Mavis for cakes. Feck off, you’re not getting my seat.
  • Guys who leave girls to stand for old people/pregnant women. Now this isn’t a sexist thing, but guys are physically stronger than women naturally so they’re better able to handle standing. My main problem though is when a guy is sitting on the outside seat, he sees an old person come on, he pretends to be asleep and then the girl on the inside seat is forced to get up.
  • Standing people who take free seats from other standing people who have been standing longer…sure there aren’t any rules in writing, but what the hell happened to good old fashioned manners and fair play?
  • People who use up all the arm room out of selfishness and not for size reasons.
  • People reading a newspaper who have it hanging all over your personal space.
  • Standing people who try to punish sitting people for getting a seat by leaning against them or jamming their bags into them or constantly pulling their hair as they hold onto the handles.
  • People who get on the bus during rush hour when you’re BARELY making it in on time for work and then spend 10mins questioning the bus driver on every bus route in the area …and then get off. USE A BLOODY BUS MAP OR LOOK IT UP ONLINE BEFOREHAND!!!!
  • People who smoke upstairs on the bus. You’re not cool, you’re not being sneaky, everyone bloody knows what you’re doing and they all think you’re a sap!

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