Tag Archives: Single

Riding the Wrong Train

I knew during the break-up process that it would be good to be single for a while.
I needed some time to try and figure out who Single Me was and if she was different to Relationship Me.

Turns out that Single Me is a train wreck.
Relationship Me was definitely heading down a better path.

Single Me hasn’t cooked one single decent meal in three weeks.
There may have been the odd piece of fruit, but in general, she will sit on the couch hungry rather than actually cook something.
She has no idea what’s in the fridge or the cupboard.
On the rare occasion she does bother her arse to cook something, it will usually involve frozen chips and gravy.
Relationship Me barely knew what a freezer was.
Clothes haven’t been washed, bins haven’t been emptied, the bathroom floor must be checked for underwear before visitors use the facilities.

But the worst thing facing Single Me is The Dishes.
I have always hated doing dishes.
Always.
When Relationship Me was living with Him, we had a deal -I did all the cooking and He did the dishes.
Now Single Me is forced to deal with them…and is fighting every step of the way.

Things got so bad last week that I had to keep the kitchen door closed because the dirty plates and cups were starting to smell. The next day, and less than an hour before I was to receive a gentleman caller, I stood in front of the washing machine for a good five minutes contemplating whether or not there were moral or ethical (or dignity) issues in hiding all the dirty crockery in the machine for the duration of his stay .

In the end, I made a compromise with myself -I just kept him out of the kitchen.

Relationship Me was an actual grown up.
She understood the importance of health insurance and savings and eating healthily.
Single Me just doesn’t seem to give a crap.
I feel I’m regressing back to the middle of my college years and wonder how long it will be before I show up drunk for work.

There’s an internal struggle where I pine for what I was, but love the freedom of where I am.
I’m being ridiculous and irresponsible and the weight of Life has been partially lifted from my shoulders.
Yes, it might seem that at 24 I should be moving forward instead of backwards, but feck it, I spent my early twenties trying to the A Grown-Up and look at where that got me!
Grey hairs and stress-related IBS.

So for now, I think I”ll enjoy the craziness and worry about tomorrow tomorrow (or maybe in a few months time).
And until then, I’ll take a trip to Tesco and stock up on paper plates and cups….

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Musing at the Diner

Sitting in the same area of the same Eddie Rockets that we conducted the first two years of our relationship, I didn’t know what to feel.

“So what happened with you two, or am I allowed to ask?”
It wasn’t the first time I’d been asked and it wasn’t the first time I had to shrug my shoulders and have a quick think about it.
And even with all those opportunities, I was yet to come up with a satisfying answer.

“I dunno,” I told Sinead honestly. “It just wasn’t right anymore.”

We chatted about other long-term couples that had broken up in recent times.
It was the same formula: couple got together during college, stayed together for years, many lived together, everyone thought they’d be together forever and then BAM they were no more.

“I think it’s just the way it is now,” I mused over a chocolate malt. “I mean, years ago people did their Personal Growth thing during the last years of secondary school and in the couple of years afterwards so they had it together by the age of 20. But now, we don’t start until after college and those few years are supposed to be the time you sort yourself out, find out who you are and become comfortable with that. I did my growing as part of a relationship. Most people that do that grow into One Half of a Relationship and not into a person.”

“I know it sounds very American and cringe-worthily clichéd, but I feel like I need to ‘find myself’,” I said. “I’m not sure who I am or what I can handle or even what I want right now. I’m completely different from the Me in my final year in college.”

Sinead nodded her agreement. “You just need to live life a bit and have some fun!”

After a chat about general Life Stuff, I said: “Isn’t it crazy to think back to that summer in the shop five years ago when we had The Plan?”
“Oh God yeah,” said Sinead.
“The guy I liked was away for the summer and you had just met yours and we made a pact to win their hearts. And we did,” I added somewhat triumphantly. “And since then my whole life plan has changed so many times, I’ve had a few other boyfriends and a ridiculously long relationship with a boy I lived with, and now I’ve no idea what I want to do with my life. You also broke up with your guy and you’ve been around the world and you’re moving to Australia next week.”

It was head-spinning to think about all that had changed and how it seemed that all the work I’d put into life over the last few years had been erased and I was starting again.
Out on my own.

“On the plus side,” I said as an after thought, “my conversation topics are far more exciting as a single person than they were as the Long Time Relationship Girl. It’s nice to know there’s a silver lining.”

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