Let me tell you about the time I….sold my first condom

When I was 17,
I drank a very good beer,
I drank a very good beer
That I purchased with a fake ID.
My name was Brian McGee,
I stayed up listening to Queen,
When I was 17…..

Well when I was 17, I did none of the above.
In fact, I was an angel.
A very sheltered angel.
Who didn’t drink.
Or kiss boys.
(or girls, before the jokes start!)
I didn’t stay out late.
Or loiter.
In the words of Bender from the Breakfast Club: “You are a parent’s wet dream, okay?”

During this year of my life, I began working in the infamous Londis shop, where I transformed from a shy quiet type to the girl who was getting up to all sorts in the shop’s store room with her then secret boyfriend (now known as The Boy).
But that change took a few years.
And at the end of my first summer there when I was still sweet and innocent, I came face-to-face with mortification.

I only worked the late shifts for my first year there (2:30pm-10pm) and since we were down the road from a pub, we used to get some interesting people coming in on Friday and Saturday night.
Mainly drunks buying cigarettes.
Or drunks that had been kicked out of the pub and were stocking up on wine for the night.
On this occasion, the guy was sober….

Me: Hi, are you ok?
Guy: Have you got condoms?
Me: *blushes* Eh yeah, they’re behind the till here.
Guy: Ah great. Isn’t that great?
Guy’s Friend: Yeah it is.
Me: *squirms* Which ones do you want?
Guy: Which ones have you got?
Ah for feck sake….like I was going to start naming them out for him…
Me: *grabs one of each type and puts them on the counter* *watches the queue build up behind the two eejits making Man Jokes over the different types*
Guy: I’ll take these.
Me: *throws the spares under the till glad to be rid of them* Grand.
Guy: Five of them.
Me: Sorry?
Guy: Five of them.
Me: You want five of them?
Guy: Yeah.
Me: Five boxes.
Guy: Yeah.
Me: *tries to dig out five boxes from the mess that was the space under the till*
Meanwhile, another Shop Person has been forced to come onto the other till to deal with the massive queue of people grinning at my increasing embarrassment in the Condom Fiasco.
Me: *finally finds enough boxes* That’s X euro, please.
Guy: WHAT!!!???
Me: X euro, please.
Guy: For one box?
Me: You asked me for five.
Guy: Ha ha ha *nudges Friend* I’m good, but I’m not THAT good.
*people in ear shot snigger as I get even redder*

Tosser.